Invisible Wounds: Shedding Light on Disorganized Attachment and Trauma
Attachment theory is like a roadmap for understanding the bonds you form with others. John Bowlby, a psychologist, developed the theory after studying babies and their parents. Attachment theory it suggests your early relationships shape your emotional and social development. These bonds are a foundation for future connections, especially with romantic partners. They impact how you navigate relationship. In this 2nd post of the attachment blog series, we will explore disorganized attachment and it’s link to trauma!
Types of Attachment Styles
Every human has an attachment style. Attachment styles can change throughout your life, but are primarily shaped when you are a child. There are four types of attachment styles: secure, avoidant, anxious and disorganized. Think of each attachment style as a different dance move. Secure attachment is a graceful waltz. Avoidant attachment is dancing on your own. Anxious attachment is like stepping on your partners toes. Disorganized attachment, is a dance with no set rhythm, where you feel confused and scared.
The Role of Caregivers in Shaping Attachment
If attachment styles are a dance, our caregivers are the initial instructors. How they respond to our needs as a child, provide comfort, and offer a secure base all influence our attachment style. Our primary attachment figures can be parents, grandparents, or anyone in the caregiver role. It's important to remember that caregivers are not expected to be perfect. Attachment styles develop as a result of ongoing behavior, not one or two times! When a caregiver is consistent and reliable, you are more likely to develop a secure attachment. If they are inconsistent in responding to your needs, you may become anxiously attached. An example of inconsistent caregiving is when sometimes a child's needs are met but they never know when or what to expect. If you are consistently rejected or ignored by your parents, you can develop avoidant attachment. This could look like you crying and no one responding or offering comfort. Lastly, parents who are abusive or both ignore and are unreliable can create disorganized attachment in their child.
Definition and Characteristics
Disorganized attachment is a unique dance move that leads to a lot of confusion. One of the main characteristics of disorganized attachment is fear. Individuals with disorganized attachment desperately want a connection with others. Connection is also feared in this type of attachment. According to Dianne Poole Heller, "Disorganized attachment develops when caregivers (a child’s source of safety), become a source of fear or threat." This creates a sense of fear when it comes to developing relationships. As a result, you might struggle to keep healthy relationships.
What Causes Disorganized Attachment?
The biggest factor that leads to the development of disorganized attachment is abuse or neglect. Any type of abuse- physical, verbal, or sexual abuse- especially at the hands of your caregiver is a cause. Witnessing abuse or domestic violence is also a risk factor. It is common for parents who are inconsistent or unreliable to have a history of trauma. Generational trauma can impact attachment styles.
Signs of Disorganized Attachment
Since disorganized attachment is rarely talked about, the signs are important to understand. No single person with this attachment style has the same symptoms. There are some similarities. As a child, you might feel confused around your caregivers, feel a lot of big, and have a hard time being comforted. In adulthood, the main characteristic is difficulty trusting and forming relationships.
Common signs of disorganized attachment include:
Difficulty regulating emotions
Intense fear of abandonment
Low self-esteem and self-worth
Negative self-image
Fear or avoidance of intimacy
Trust issues
Lack of boundaries with self and others
Trauma and Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized attachment is the most complex style of attachment in relationship to trauma. This attachment style was born from trauma. When you live with disorganized, there is an internal conflict in your system. Every human has the biological drive to attach/connect as well as the drive to survive. When these two systems are at odds, life can become very overwhelming.
Individuals with disorganized attachment alternate between both ambivalent and avoidant behavior patterns. As a result, you can feel like you are caught in a bind. You need to, and at the same time cannot rely on others, to help you regulate. Other people aren't trustworthy. This creates a lot of anxiety and fear. As a way to cope, you may dissociate or “check-out" from uncomfortable situations. .
Although you have an innate desire for connection, you may avoid getting close to people. Being close feels unsafe for your body and nervous system.
Breaking the Stigma
There are misconceptions about disorganized attachment because it's not frequently talked about. The belief that it's rare is false. It can seem rare because it is not covered in the media. Research has shown that approximately 23.5% of people have it. Disorganized attachment is also not a choice or character flaw. You cannot control your attachment style nor are they something to judge. There is nothing wrong with you if you have a disorganized attachment style. The biggest misconception is that it's untreatable and a lifelong condition. This is far from the truth as evidenced by the trauma treatments below that can help!
Trauma Treatment Approaches
One of the first steps in healing is learning how to trust safe connections. This is where a trusted trauma therapist can be helpful. A therapist will listen to you and be a calm, predictable, and supportive confidant. In trauma therapy, you will never be judged or criticized. It is a reliable and consistent environment for you to explore.
There are many therapies to help reduce the effects of disorganized attachment. Trauma or PTSD therapy is the most effective because disorganized attachment is rooted in trauma. EMDR and somatic therapy are two approaches that can be particularly helpful. EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing uses bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, to help you process and reduce distressing memories and trauma. Somatic therapy explores the connection between the mind and body. The belief is that trauma lives in the body.
It's important to remember that when you are stressed, old patterns can be re-triggered. This does not mean you are not healing or getting better. Even small steps towards secure attachment are worth celebrating! As you move toward secure attachment, your natural capacity for connection strengthens. You develop a healthier sense of self and are more compassionate with yourself and others.
Start Trauma Therapy in Ann Arbor, Detroit & throughout Michigan
No matter your history, what has happened to you, or who you are, healing is possible. Our brains are designed to change and heal. Therefore, you can develop a secure attachment anytime in your life! There is always hope. At Embodied Wellness, PLLC, we have trauma specialists who understand disorganized attachment and how to treat it. To begin started trauma treatment at our practice follow the steps below:
Connect today for a free 15-minute consultation.
Speak with a trauma therapist.
Move towards a secure attachment.
Other Services in Ann Arbor & Detroit, MI
In addition to attachment and trauma therapy, we offer a variety of services and specialties. We provide therapy to teens and adolescents and adults via online therapy in Michigan. We have therapists who specialize in depression therapy, OCD treatment and ERP therapy, empath therapy, Somatic therapy, IFS, and anxiety therapy. Incluso ofrecemos terapia en español en Detroit y en todo Michigan.
About the Author:
Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice including EMDR and IFS.