Attachment styles are like the fingerprints of our emotional world. They affect each person and influence their relationships. Attachment styles develop in early childhood and shape our expectations of love, trust, and intimacy. If we have a secure attachment, it's usually because we had people who took care of us regularly and reliably when we were younger. But if we didn't get that kind of consistent care, it can sometimes lead to an insecure attachment. We all have attachment styles and sometimes our attachment styles can result from trauma or PTSD. In today’s blog, we here at Embodied Wellness, PLLC, will explore one type of insecure attachment style called “anxious or anxious-preoccupied attachment" and how it relates to trauma.

What are Attachment Styles?

According to John Bowlby, there are four attachment styles and they begin to develop when you are young. Attachment styles refer to the way you bond and connect with others, in particular your caregivers. As you evolve and grow over time, it shapes the way you relate to romantic partners, friends, coworkers, and family. The four attachment styles are secure attachment, anxious-preoccupied attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment, and fear-avoidant (disorganized) attachment. Attachment styles aren't about labeling yourself as "good" or "bad." They're more like different ways you learn to connect with people. The goal is to help yourself grow and improve your relationships with others. It's all about getting better at how you relate to people.

Common Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style

People with an anxious attachment style need a lot of attention, easily worry, or want to be close to others all the time. People might say they're a bit sensitive or that they need a lot of reassurance. When someone they love leaves (even for a short amount of time), they become anxious. They tend to feel upset when alone and not close to other people. They get jealous when they feel like their partner is interacting with someone else. People with anxious attachment have a need for reassurance. And even when they get it, it never feels like enough.

Lesser Known Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style

• People with anxious attachment can be hyper-focused on people around them. For example, they may over-focus on people's actions, their presence (or lack of), and love (or absence of). This can create difficulty in focusing on work or other important tasks.

• Difficulty self-soothing and the need for others to help them calm down.

• People who have an anxious attachment style often feel their feelings strongly. They also tend to think a lot about things that happened in the past, especially times when they were hurt. They also have worry a lot about abandonment in the future.

• Individuals with an anxious attachment may have a chronic illness. This may signify a "cry from the body" to get the connection they long for.

• Have a difficult time "relaxing."

Separation Anxiety in Relationships

Separation anxiety in romantic relationships might also be a sign of an anxious or preoccupied attachment style.

Signs of separation anxiety include:

1. Worrying when your partner is gone

2. Desire for constant communication and reassurance through calls/texts

3. Fearing your partner will leave or abandon you when you aren't together

4. Having a difficult time being apart

5. Experiencing physical symptoms (panic attacks, stomach aches, headaches) when separated

6. Feeling jealous or possessive

7. Overthinking about the relationship

What Triggers an Anxious Attachment Style?

There are many factors that contribute to anxious attachment. Your relationship with your primary caregivers is the most influential component of any attachment style. Anxious attachment can be triggered by inconsistent parenting. Parents who act unpredictable might not always be there for their kids, either emotionally or physically. Parents who are not attuned to their child's needs can also trigger anxious attachment.

Anxious Attachment and Trauma Symptoms

Anxious attachment styles are often due to trauma or stressors you experience as a child or in your primary relationships such as with your parents. Experiences such as neglect, abuse or inconsistent caregiving, or emotional upheaval in childhood may lead to anxious attachment patterns as a way to cope. Further childhood and adult trauma can make these symptoms worse, specifically the fear of being left or rejected or hypervigilance. Healing from trauma and addressing anxious attachment typically involves therapy. You can learn to process your past traumatic experiences, be more compassionate towards yourself and develop healthier, more secure attachment patterns in your adult relationships.

Treatment for Attachment Anxiety

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with you if you have an anxious attachment style. If you want to make changes to your attachment style, the first step is to acknowledge that it is impacting your life. Next, you can look at your actions, such as asking for lots of reassurance or struggling to calm yourself down when upset. You can also explore the triggers to your attachment and treat any past trauma.

It can be helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in attachment theory. There are a few therapies that are effective for anxious attachment styles. These treatments include Somatic Experiencing, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) for Anxiety. These treatments can treat the underlying trauma that may contribute to the anxious attachment style.

Trauma Therapy in Ann Arbor, Detroit, and throughout Michigan Can Help

If you are interested in learning more about your anxious attachment style and healing from trauma, Embodied Wellness, PLLC is here to support you! Our trauma therapists specialize in attachment and are trained in multiple evidence-based PTSD treatments to help you reach your goals. To get started with trauma treatment at our practice follow the steps below:

1. Connect today for a free 15-minute consultation.

2. Speak with a trauma therapist.

3. Free yourself from attachment wounds.

Additional Services Offered at Embodied Wellness in Ann Arbor, Detroit, and throughout Michigan

Our empathetic and understanding therapists offer a variety of services and specialties besides trauma and PTSD treatment. We serve teenagers and adolescents and adults via online therapy in Michigan. We have therapists who specialize in depression therapy, OCD treatment and ERP therapy, empath therapy, Somatic therapy, IFS, and EMDR. Incluso ofrecemos terapia en español en Detroit y en todo Michigan.

About the Author: 

Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice including EMDR and IFS.