Are You Gaslighting Yourself? Signs of Self-Gaslighting and How to Stop
Have you ever second-guessed yourself, questioned your memories, or dismissed your own feelings as “dramatic” or “overreacting”? If so, you may be experiencing self-gaslighting—a subtle, internalized form of doubt that can decrease your self-trust and distort reality. Originally used by others to control and manipulate, gaslighting is a form of trauma that can turn inward. It can lead you to undermine your own perceptions and emotions. In this blog, we’ll explore the signs of self-gaslighting, why it happens, and, most importantly, how to break free and rebuild trust in yourself!
What is Trauma?
Trauma is a distressing or disturbing experience that overwhelms your ability to cope. There are many types of trauma and they can result from events like accidents, natural disasters, or abusive relationships. Trauma does not discriminate; it can affect anyone, and its impact can last long after the event is over. For some, trauma may lead to ongoing emotional struggles, like anxiety, depression, or PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). It can also change how a person sees the world and themselves.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person makes another person doubt their reality. This is a form of manipulation. Gaslighting is a common tactic in abusive relationships! The abuser seeks to gain control over the victim by undermining their sense of reality. It can make you feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust your thoughts or feelings. For example, an abuser might insist that a certain event didn't happen. Or that you are overreacting even when your feelings and memories are valid.
What is Self-Gaslighting?
Self-gaslighting happens when you doubt your own feelings, thoughts, and experiences. This can be a coping mechanism or a trauma trigger learned from being gaslighted by others, especially in abusive situations. Over time, trauma survivors might start to internalize these doubts and apply them to themselves. Self-gaslighting can be both unconscious and conscious. Regardless of why it's happening, it often leads to the same outcome. It results in questioning your perception of reality and feeling disconnected from your own emotions.
Examples of Self-Gaslighting
Understanding self-gaslighting is important because it can negatively impact your mental health and recovery from trauma. Self-gaslighting can be hard to detect! They can manifest in everyday thoughts and feelings. They make it harder to trust yourself and your experiences. Here are some examples:
Negative Self-Talk and Self-Criticism:
"I'm not good enough; I don't deserve success or happiness."
"There's something wrong with me, and that's why I can't find love."
Downplaying or Dismissing Your Feelings:
"I shouldn't feel this way; I'm overreacting."
"I'm too sensitive; it's not a big deal."
Ignoring Your Intuition:
"I'm just imagining things; that can't be true."
"I'm probably just being paranoid."
Blaming Yourself for Things Beyond Your Control:
"It's my fault that things go wrong; I'm always the problem."
"If I had just done something differently, it wouldn't have happened."
Making Excuses for Abusive Behavior:
"They were just having a bad day; they didn't mean to hurt me."
"They were under a lot of stress, so I shouldn't take it personally."
Overcoming Self-Gaslighting
Recovering from trauma and self-gaslighting requires patience and self-compassion. Here are some strategies that might help:
Celebrate Small Wins:
Recovery is a journey! It's important to celebrate your progress along the way. Acknowledge even small victories, like recognizing a self-gaslighting thought or setting a boundary. These small steps add up over time and contribute to your overall healing.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Self-compassion means being kind to yourself, especially during difficult times. Recognize that it's okay to have doubts and negative thoughts, but try not to judge yourself harshly for them. Try to acknowledge your feelings! Remind yourself that it's normal to feel this way, especially after experiencing trauma.
Seek Support:
Talking to friends, family members, or a therapist who you trust can provide valuable support and perspective. They can help you see situations more clearly and offer reassurance when you're doubting yourself. A trauma therapist can provide professional guidance and coping strategies for dealing with self-gaslighting and trauma.
Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness involves staying present in the moment and being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice can help you recognize when you're engaging in self-gaslighting and allow you to redirect your thoughts more positively. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or even just taking a moment to pause and reflect can be helpful.
Take Responsibility in a Healthy Way:
It's important to take responsibility for your actions. This does not mean blaming yourself for everything! Learning ways to differentiate between things you can control and things you can't is helpful but hard! Acknowledge your role in situations without overly criticizing yourself. This can help you build a more balanced and realistic view of yourself.
Challenge Negative Thoughts:
When you catch yourself thinking negatively, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if they are based on facts or if they are distortions of reality. For instance, if you think, "I'm not good enough," ask yourself, "What evidence do I have to support this? Is there evidence against it?" This can help you see your strengths and achievements more clearly.
Set Boundaries:
Establishing healthy boundaries with others is crucial, especially if you have experienced gaslighting in the past. This means being clear about what you will and won't accept in your interactions with others. It's okay to say no and protect your emotional well-being.
Educate Yourself About Gaslighting and Trauma:
The more you understand about gaslighting and trauma, the better equipped you'll be to recognize and counteract these influences in your life. Reading books, attending workshops, or joining support groups can provide valuable insights and strategies for healing.
Stay Connected with Supportive People:
Surround yourself with people who respect and support you. Positive relationships can reinforce your sense of self-worth and help you feel more grounded.
10. Keep a Journal:
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process your experiences and identify patterns in your self-talk. Try to write about what you're feeling and why you think you might be feeling that way. This can help you identify triggers for self-gaslighting so you can cope with them.
Start Trauma Therapy for Gaslighting in Michigan
Do you have experience with being gaslit? Are you ready to say enough is enough? At Embodied Wellness, PLLC, we are here to support you in recovery. Regardless of what stage you are in this journey- from just identifying this is a problem from working on these patterns for years- you are in the right place. We have therapists who have specialized training in trauma and gaslighting to help!
To start trauma therapy at Embodied Wellness, PLLC follow these steps:
Be matched with one of our trauma therapists.
Be free from gaslighting!
Other Online Counseling Services in Michigan
At Embodied Wellness, PLLC we offer a variety of holistic treatment services for adults and teens with anxiety, depression, and OCD. We specialize in EMDR, Somatic therapy , Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems, and DBT for trauma. We also specialize in CBT, ERP, Empath Counseling, and Spanish Therapy. We offer online therapy in Michigan. Start overcoming your trauma today by visiting our Detroit-based practice. We also offer low-cost therapy!
About the Author:
Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as a way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice including EMDR and IFS.