How DBT Techniques Can Strengthen Your Relationships
Building strong and nurturing relationships requires more than just casual conversations. It requires active and compassionate listening. As a therapist, I've found that one of the most common desires people express is the need to feel heard and understood. Many of us have experienced moments where we feel ignored or brushed off. This can be incredibly frustrating and isolating. Being a good listener is essential in creating secure and healthy relationships. It shows that you genuinely care about what the other person is saying. It's not just about hearing words; it's about understanding the emotions and thoughts behind them. In this blog, we'll explore why being a good listener is vital for building strong relationships. We offer practical tips to improve your listening skills using techniques from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), including the GIVE skill as well as the LARA technique.
Why Being a Good Listener Matters
Shows Care and Respect: When you actively listen, you show the other person that their thoughts and feelings matter to you. It demonstrates respect and creates a space where they feel valued and understood.
Builds Trust and Security: Good listening helps build trust in relationships. When people feel heard, they are more likely to open up and share their true feelings. This leads to deeper connections and a greater sense of security.
Enhances Communication: Effective listening improves communication by reducing misunderstandings. It ensures that both parties are on the same page! This is essential for resolving conflicts and making decisions together.
Encourages Reciprocity: Listening is a two-way street. When you actively listen to someone, it encourages them to reciprocate the behavior.
Practical Tips for Better Listening: The LARA Technique
Throughout my decade of practice as a therapist, one of my favorite techniques for improving listening skills is called LARA. LARA stands for Listen, Affirm, Respond, and Ask Questions/Add Information. This method is particularly useful in stressful or tense situations where it might not be easy to simply "listen."
1. Listen:
Listen to Understand: Focus on the other person's emotions and perspective without judgment. Pay attention to both their words and non-verbal cues like tone and body language. This shows that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say.
2. Affirm:
Affirm Their Feelings: Even if you don't agree with the other person's perspective, it's important to acknowledge their emotions. Phrases like "It seems like you feel..." or "I understand that ... is important to you" can validate their experience and show that you're listening.
3. Respond:
Respond Thoughtfully: Use "I” statements to express your feelings and perspectives. Do not blame or judge the other person. For example, "I feel..." or "I need...". Paraphrase what you've heard to make sure you've understood correctly and avoid putting words in their mouth.
4. Ask Questions/Add Information:
Seek Clarification: Ask open-ended questions! This helps you better understand the other person's perspective. This shows that you're engaged and also help to clarify any misunderstandings.
DBT Techniques: The GIVE Skill
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers additional tools for enhancing listening and communication skills. One helpful skill is the GIVE technique. GIVE which stands for Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy manner.
1. (Be) Gentle:
Be kind and respectful in your communication. Do your best to avoid harsh words, threats, or manipulative behavior. Express anger calmly and clearly, without exaggeration or accusations. If the conversation becomes tense, stay engaged and exit gracefully if needed. Avoid dismissive behaviors like eye-rolling or interrupting.
2. (Act) Interested:
Show genuine interest in the other person's viewpoint. Maintain eye contact, face the person, and lean in slightly to show you are interested. Avoid interrupting or talking over them. If the person prefers to discuss the matter later, be patient and respectful of their needs.
3. Validate:
Acknowledge and validate the other person's feelings and thoughts. Show empathy by seeing the situation from their perspective and expressing understanding. For example, "I realize this is hard for you," or "I see that you're busy right now."
4. (Use an) Easy Manner:
Use humor and a relaxed demeanor to ease tension. Smile and keep the conversation light-hearted where appropriate. Approach the discussion with a "soft sell" rather than a "hard sell." Be diplomatic and leave any negative attitudes at the door.
Start DBT Therapy in Michigan Today
Being a good listener is a fundamental part of building and maintaining strong relationships. It is not just about hearing words; it's about understanding and empathizing with the other person's experience. It shows respect, builds trust, enhances communication, and fosters reciprocity. By using techniques like the LARA method and DBT's GIVE skill, you can improve your listening abilities and create deeper, more meaningful connections with others. Whether you're navigating a tough conversation or simply enjoying a chat, these skills can help you connect on a deeper level and strengthen your relationships. If you want to learn more ways to increase interpersonal effectiveness, schedule an appointment at Embodied Wellness:
Be matched with one of our online DBT therapists
Begin to improve your relationships!
Other Online Therapy Services We Provide in Michigan
At Embodied Wellness, PLLC we offer a variety of holistic treatment services for adults and teens with trauma, depression, and OCD. We specialize in many forms of trauma therapy including Somatic therapy such as Somatic Experiencing, CBT, ERP, Internal Family Systems, and EMDR therapy. We offer online therapy in Michigan. We offer Spanish therapy in Detroit.
About the Author:
Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as a way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice including EMDR and IFS.